Yinz going Dahntahn n'at?

Early followers of this blog will remember my entry shredding our neighbors to the northwest in Cleveland with a couple hilarious videos. Well, I think it's only fair to reciprocate with a yinzer video of our own that made me laugh just as hard as the YouTubes in which Cleveland proudly proclaims that "At least we're not Detroit!" The video below is a take on Petula Clark's classic "Downtown." Anyway, here's a quick tutorial on Pittsburguese. I mean, we should laugh at ourselves and not be jagoffs, n'at.

The whim of a traitor

Although I have reserved "whim of a madman" for everyone's favorite shock jock, Glenn Beck, I think a new phrase - "The whim of a traitor" - should now be placed on another right-wing nutjob. State Rep. Daryl Metcalfe has gone off his rocker (again) by issuing a terse e-mail to a group of military veterans touring 21 states and warning of climate change. Now, before anyone goes off about the "Cap and Trade" legislation or its ramifications, I first would like to say that I, too, am unsure whether the proposal makes sense. But that's not the issue here. In Metcalfe's statement, he calls these veterans "traitors" and likens them to Benedict Arnold. Here's what he said, according to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette...

"As a veteran, I believe that any veteran lending their name, to promote the leftist propaganda of global warming and climate change, in an effort to control more of the wealth created in our economy, through cap and tax type policies, all in the name of national security, is a traitor to the oath he or she took to defend the Constitution of our great nation! Remember Benedict Arnold before giving credibility to a veteran who uses their service as a means to promote a leftist agenda. Drill Baby Drill!!!"

Now, technically Rep. Metcalfe, R-Cranberry, is an Army veteran. I spoke to a polite receptionist at his district office this afternoon and she said he served during the early 1980s in the dangerous battle zone of Germany. She couldn't tell me his rank when he retired in 1984. However, when I pushed the woman on the "traitor" issue, she agreed that these veterans are indeed traitors to the United States because they are endorsing legislation that could restrict coal mining. WOW. She offered a caveat that this is a free country and people can say anything they wish. You're right. That's why I'm writing on my blog that your boss is a flaming idiot.

Well, what if these veterans were touting pro-choice rights, I asked her. Anyone pushing a leftist agenda is a traitor, she responded. WOW.

Metcalfe, of course, is the same bonehead who opposed legislation to promote a Domestic Violence Month in the state because he was concerned that the resolution also recognized abused men. He assumed that meant it covered homosexual men, and that just wouldn't fly with him. WOW. This guy can't honestly believe half of what he says... right?

Although I doubt many who read this blog are in Metcalfe's district, I'll offer a couple of phone numbers for anyone else offended by this idiot's tired act. The Cranberry office is (724) 772-3110 and Harrisburg office is (717) 783-1707, or you can e-mail him directly at dmetcalf@pahousegop.com. The stupidity in this country is increasing each day, and it shouldn't be surprising when we elect ignorant morons like Metcalfe to represent us.

WOW.

Greeted by a hissing stove

I returned back to my house Saturday evening to catch a pungent whiff of natural gas settling in the front hallway. The stench was unmistakable, so I walked to the road and made a quick phone call to 911. As a police reporter, I called emergency dispatchers hundreds of times to ask them questions. Now I was asking them for help.

Luckily, the local fire department is just a half-mile away, so emergency responders were there in less than 10 minutes. They entered my townhouse and quickly determined the stove was spewing natural gas for unknown reasons. I'm sure they get some minor cases, but the first firefighter who entered made it clear this was the real deal. "Oh yeah!" the assistant chief shouted before retreating to his truck for more equipment. They clamped the connection and opened the windows. Within 15 minutes, the natural gas had dissipated and we were back in the house.

So today I went out in search of a new gas stove from The Home Depot. That's the funny thing about not having a job. Your income might be reduced, but the bills keep on rolling. As I swiped my credit card to drop $575 for the GE oven, I thought it might be wise to ask for a job application, as well. With the economy slogging along through Bush's Recession, I wonder if that potential part-time job might come in handy in the very near future. Especially after I receive this month's gas bill.

A Maz-ificent game

It's getting harder and harder to imagine the Pittsburgh Pirates as a championship caliber (or even a major league) team, but the 1960 roster shocked the world 49 years ago today. It still is amazing that team, which won Game 7 against the feared New York Yankees, doesn't get the historical credit it deserves. Although the Yankees had outscored the Pirates by a score of 46-17 during the first six games, the series was tied heading back to Pittsburgh for Game 7. The Pirates blew a 9-7 lead in the ninth, but they had final ups in the bottom half of the inning. And there was scrawny Bill Mazeroski standing at the plate - a player known more for his glove than his bat - cracking the winning run over the center field wall.

While most of the country doesn't even remember this game, a group of Buccos fans and former players still gather at the outfield wall in Oakland to listen to the radio call and commemorate this amazing feat. In a city that has seen 17 years of abysmal baseball, Oct. 13 is recognized as a local holiday for a city starving for meaningful baseball.

War is over!!!!

Congrats to our state Legislature for passing the budget! Pay raises and Pink Pigs for EVERYONE!! Thank you, state legislators, for performing your state-mandated duty 101 days late. If I did my job as poorly as all of you did yours, I'd lose my job... Oh wait!

A personal rejection

This time, the rejection letter was personal. Not only did it dash any hopes of working for a major newspaper, but it also was delivered in the mail and actually signed by hand. In an era of rapid-fire e-mails, the signature made the rejection by Pittsburgh Post-Gazette Executive Editor David Shribman somewhat personal.

The Post-Gazette was the first job I applied to after getting my walking papers June 24. Expecting the demise of the Observer-Reporter earlier this year, I compiled my favorite clips - newspaper jargon for stories - and placed them in a manila folder. They sat there untouched for about four months until I pulled them out again and mailed them to the P-G on June 25. This was my opportunity, I thought, to work for a major newspaper and remain in my hometown. But with newspapers across the country slashing payroll, it shouldn't have been a surprise that there are no positions available at the paper. Shribman told me exactly that in his letter.

But the thing that caught me is he actually signed the letter. It wasn't written with the typical printed fake signature most companies use. I could see the divots in the blue ink he used to scrawl his name. That made me wonder: Did he actually review my clips? Did he personally reject me? Does he know my name? I don't need answers to any of those questions. Rather, they were just thoughts that rattled around my head for a few minutes.

The question now, though, is where am I going to apply to next?

YOU'RE FIRED

This may be casting the net too wide, but Gov. Ed Rendell and every state legislator should be fired. Sure, I realize that some of our elected representatives and senators are on board with the current budget proposal, but that isn't enough. There still is no budget and many of us are starting to pick out Halloween jack-o-lanterns. We have waited three months for approval of the budget - the state constitution dictates it be passed by June 30 - and yet we still have nothing to show for it. Real people are hurting, and your partisan bickering is crushing us.

I challenge each elected official working in Harrisburg to forgo his/her per diem until the budget is actually passed, and pay back your previous expense checks. If this is unacceptable, then I ask you to resign. There are plenty of Pennsylvanians who would gladly do your job and earn your paychecks (including many of us breadliners). It's becoming more and more obviously you are unable to perform the most basic duty expected of America's Largest and Most Expensive Full-Time State Legislature.

The time for games is over. Republicans and Democrats, do your job or get out. Otherwise, everyone's favorite Pink Pig will return during your 2010 re-election campaigns to sling (or roll in) some mud.