Making census of the test

McMURRAY, Pa. - There I was this morning, sitting with three elderly men in a bland corner room at the Peters Township Municipal Library, with a pencil in hand and 28 multi-choice questions at my disposal. The four of us arrived early to offer the proper identification and fill out the paperwork before taking the test. It was a bizarre scene that made me feel like I was in high school all over again -- albeit in an alternate universe.

Instead of the SATs or final exams, I was taking a test to gauge whether I had what it takes to knock on doors for the U.S. Census Bureau and count human beings like they were cattle. It might not be a glamorous job, but it offers a part-time schedule with supposedly decent pay. And, it's a good financial opportunity if the job market is still ice cold five months from now.

But back to the test. One man coughed and wheezed for a moment while filling out his paperwork. The elderly gentleman behind me forgot his ID, and needed to scrounge around his car to find a Social Security card and/or birth certificate (which I assume was printed in the 19th Century). A Census worker read instructions before the test, but the man next to me looked puzzled. He told the worker that he couldn't hear well enough, and asked for the instructions to be read again.

Splendid.

I rolled through the 28 questions, stopping on some for a few extra moments. I'm not really sure the point of the 30-minute exam, except maybe to sift through people born without brains.

I guess I have some semblance of a medulla oblongata (thank you Bobby Boucher) because I aced the test. So now I wait to learn if the Census Bureau will need my services next year. Maybe I'll even see my three geriatric test-taking pals on the beat.

Happy Thanksgiving

Even in tough economic times, there is a lot to be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving to all of our loyal readers, and please drive safely during the holiday.

And, yes, I know this is a scene from Christmas Vacation. But in the spirit of a classic holiday movie, it's turkey carving nonetheless.

The failed interview

It took nearly five months, but I finally received an interview. Sure, the job opening had nothing to do with my communications/writing background, but it was for a position in a booming industry that I covered while at the Washington newspaper. That gave me a lot of confidence when I walked into the company's Southpointe office building Nov. 11 for a meet and greet with middle managers. My knowledge of the industry surely would be a bonus in the interview, or so I thought

It turns out I knew one of the managers interviewing me. We went to high school together and played in the percussion ensemble. It seemed that personal background could give me an edge when they made the final decision of whom to hire. The 40-minute interview turned into a gabbing session about drumming and my knowledge about their industry. We shook hands and I left the office, fully expecting to receive a job offer in the next few days.

It didn't happen.

So now I enter the holiday weekend with at least a taste of what it is like to go on a job interview in today's market. The interview didn't transpire how I expected it would, but the outcome -- or lack of one -- shocked me even more.

Long odds

I received a rejection e-mail a couple days ago for a communications position at a local non-profit organization in Pittsburgh. Since it's unusual we actually get a live one, I thought this would be the best opportunity to see what my chances are in the jobs market.

The woman responded the following day with a friendly and detailed response. But it also confirmed what I suspected all along: Our resumes are getting buried beneath hundreds of others. She told me the company had received 130 applications, and two workers narrowed the list down to 25. From there, they whittled it to 10 possible applicants, four of whom they interviewed.

The woman said she has been with the company for 20 years, and never had this type of response for this position. That also means I had a 3 percent chance of scoring an interview. Seems like I'd have better odds playing the PowerBALL.

This illustrates the problems many of us newspaper reporters face while trying to find a job that relates to our former profession. It also might be an indication that a new and totally different career is the best -- and maybe the only -- option.

To whom it may concern?

Found this little gem while searching a local jobs Web site. The position was for a Journalist/Feature Writer position in the Pittsburgh area. Here is a description of the job ad...

A community based Healthcare organization is seeking an experienced JOURNALIST/ FEATURE WRITER to join its team on a part-time basis.

This position is responsible for writing and editing several publications including the production of our annual report, occasional press releases, executive speeches, and scripting special events.

The ideal candidate will have a Bachelor’s degree in Journalism, or Communications with a writing emphasis. Previous experience in print media including editing is highly desired. Must have an interest in community based Healthcare, excellent written and oral communication skills, superior knowledge of grammar, spelling and sentence structure.

This is a part-time position that offers flexible scheduling opportunities. If you are interested in joining our team that values excellence and creativity, please submit your resume, professional references, and writing samples.

Now, if a job applicant is going to be sending his/her resume to a prospective company, common courtesy would seem to dictate that said company should at least supply its name and/or location. Maybe they're trying to keep this job opening a secret until they announce the hiring, but I feel a little uncomfortable applying to a business that could be UPMC... or ...Satan's Medical Insurance LLC.

Technical difficulties

Sorry for the lack of posts this week, but I'm experiencing some technical difficulties with my laptop computer. Hopefully I'll be back online full-time in the next few days.

In the mean time, thank goodness for Allegheny County's RAD tax funding for local libraries. I have a Mt. Lebanon library card, but I can use it to access the computers and books at USC, South Fayette and Bridgeville libraries. I wonder how the teabaggers would feel about that socialist plot to spread around the literature wealth? That tax is coming in handy as I'm able to drive just a few short miles to scan the Internet for jobs or pickup a book at the nearest library.

Anyway, from busted laptops, to hissing stoves, to broken house windows, to airbag deployment warning lights... the expenses just don't end. At least our public libraries are affordable.

Game over for job seekers?

As the country begins to pulls itself out of this economic abyss, one sign is not so encouraging for our future: Jobs. Housing is moving in the right direction and stocks are booming (is that such a good thing?), yet the job numbers continue to lag. Unemployment continues to rise -- albeit at a slower pace -- and there does not seem to be an end in sight.

Pundits across the tube are "pundificating" why people are still out of work. On one side, some say it's because President Obama's stimulus bill is a failure. On the other, they claim the economy was in such a dire condition that it will take longer than anticipated to get this train back on track.

The answer, I think, is much simpler. Employers are learning they don't need the same workforce to make their companies profitable. They are asking their current employees to perform more work than before to replace their laid off colleagues. The problem, though, is that the quality of the product ultimately falls. Take one look at most newspapers today, and you can easily see that the pages are thinner and filled with more wire stories. The reason? They don't have enough people to perform the job adequately.

Now, this is fine during economic hardship. But is that still acceptable when the economy improves? It will be interesting to see whether companies keep their current workforce or expand when their coffers bleed black once again. Sadly, I'm skeptical if most companies will ever go back to the dark days when offices were buzzing with plenty of workers.